Joy is an act of resistance
Am I the only one who feels both simultaneously grateful AF to be alive on the planet right now and also feels the crushing weight of anxiety living in a country run by an evil dictator? Okay cool, some of y'all raised your hands.
How awesome that I have the support of my family and friends as I build a business that I love rooted in my values. I have safe and clean housing in a neighborhood that is authentically Baltimore. I can buy the organic strawberries and afford my car payment. I am healthy and strong. I am creative and kind. I take long walks through the park or along the waterfront, frequently saying hi to someone I know or stopping to pet a dog.
And yet, I harbor a deep anxiety that the country I live in is being ripped apart by a bunch of rich white guys just so they can get richer. I know that as a woman there are situations where my safety is in jeopardy. I wonder how my nieces and nephews (all under age 6) will be able to grow old and live in a world without fish in the ocean or access to clean air. Worst of all, it seems like those in power want folks to be scared, stressed and anxious. They want us sad and feeling depressed so that we're not able to react or fight back. If we are sad, perhaps we will be easier to control.
This is the crux of the human experience. The sweet and the sour. The joy and the suffering. "The fuck yes!" and "oh hell no". In the yogic tradition this is referred to as Sukha and Dukkha. Some days I experience both of these extremes and everything in between....often in the same hour. Since giving up booze in 2019, I feel things more deeply, I have become more empathetic. I have full access to that which is awesome and that which is awful.
What joy there is in playing in the park with my dog on a spring afternoon, while someone is working 2 jobs to barely make ends meet and they won't see the sun for hours. What joy there is going to see live music while also wondering if someone will bring a gun to the show and I'll get shot. I am both joyful and fearful...I am an energetic being who is having a human experience.
But when I give into fear, that's when I really suffer. When the fear turns inward I am depressed, and when the fear flares outwards I am angry. It's at this moment, when my fear turns into anger so hot I can't think or feel anything, that I have a choice. I can sit and pick at it as though it were 3-days old leftovers of crumbs. Or I can sit down to a whole feast of a meal with joy.
That's not to say I am spiritually bypassing and ignoring the really crappy stuff that is happening right now. I am enraged, pissed off and hella angry. But then what? I practice channeling those emotions into actions. Transmuting those feelings to allow space for joy, far more than just a crumb of it. It means I acknowledge the suffering knowing that it won't crush me. I turn towards joy as an act of resistance.
So share the joy, the glimmers, the giggles and the smiles. Maybe you post a picture on social media, maybe you text something funny on the group chat. Maybe you journal about the joy or send prayers to the divine force in your life about it. However you express joy, please my friend, keep expressing it. We need you, we need your joy. Sit down with me at the table as we eat this joyful meal together. Let us not delay our joy for any reason.
In closing, I want to share one of my favorite poems, by the brilliant Mary Oliver.
"Don't Hesitate" by Mary Oliver
If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed.
Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins.
Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.