The power of female friendships
From the Golden Girls to Sex in the City, the power of strong female friendships can look like many different things. I won’t launch into a media analysis right now, but I will tell you that I was a Communication Studies major in college and my senior thesis was on female gender roles and female friendship in SITC. So yes, I love exploring female energy and the topic of friendship in particular.
Let me say it loud and proud: the women in my life are the most supportive, kind, funny, badass gals out there. And it’s with their love and support that I’m even half the person I am. Women are, without a doubt, the most important humans I interact with. Here are some ways the gals show up for me and for each other.
The Group Chat: I’m in 6 group chats with a bunch of girls and they are the main reason I use my phone. Sometimes, I am chatting with these various groups so much that I feel like I’m 14 years old. I’ll be driving with my husband and it’s my phone that’s running GPS / music. And thennnnn the group chat starts popping off and he says, “What are you all talking about?” He just couldn’t understand. Some days it’s funny memes about how dumb men are or pictures of our dogs doing hilarious things. Other days it’s prayer requests for sick parents or kids that won’t sleep through the night. The common thread to all of these is the “I got you” mentality. Yes, the messages could be sent individually but the humor and love of the group chat is the real magic. Everyone chiming in, the strength in the tribe.
The Girls Weekend: To organize a weekend for 5+ women to hangout is a challenge. Mostly easy for me as I’m a DINK with a dog. But for friends with 2-5 kids, making plans can be tricky so we require a long lead time…likkeeeee 3 - 6 months. For my college lacrosse gals, it’s the same weekend in September every year. Other crews our weekend is in February or November. Typically 1 or 2 of us cannot make it due to work, kids, weddings / events, etc. But keeping it the same week allows us to figure out child / dog care and to get a dope house. For another group of friends, it’s focused on music. Where is a band we love playing in a city that’s cool and let’s go there. For another group, we have a poll and vote on the weekend that works best. We’ll rotate locations and times of year but typically 2x with other smaller events sprinkled in. What happens on the girls weekend? A potent combination of: dance parties, laughing, lots of food, hot tub / pool / beach / river / body of water, movement like hiking or pickleball, laughing, crying, story telling, a lot of 4 letter words, laughing, games, oh and did I mention laughing? Collective laughter with women is the balm for any broken heart.
The memes + videos: The small joy that is sending someone a meme or video and you just know they will laugh about it. The way you laugh when someone sends you something and it just hits you in the right way. Having people who just “get us” makes us feel validated and loved. Knowing that someone thinks of me when they see something (astrology, black labradors, dancing, travel, SUP, etc) and then shares it, just puts a smile on my face every time. Friendship is seeing someone for who they are, it’s being a mirror to reflect their own wonderful energy back to them. We share a lot of memes about friendship…how we value it and how we want to be old ladies together, still laughing and crying.
My family of origin, the family I married into, my sorority sisters and college lacrosse teammates as well as the gals from B-more, the yogis, hikers and DINK dog moms, the women who love live music and talking about their birth charts. They are the humans I need the most, they are my heart and soul. It’s the circle of female friends keep me happy, healthy and (mostly) sane.
I understand that not all female-identifying folks have been this lucky. Some have been hurt by women and that has made them distrustful and angry. I have some women in my life that say they “just get along better with guys” or “don’t have a lot of girl friends” and I wonder about their sisterhood wound. I want them to feel feminine friendship in a way that is caring and loving rather than critical or judgemental. I hope we can all open our arms to the women that need our hugs the most. Because we rise by lifting others, I believe this fully.
I have cultivated and worked for these friendships. It is something I am truly proud of, how much time and effort I put into my girl friends. My friendships nourish me the most. When I think about nourishment, I think of a garden. And so, I tend the garden of my friends. Some times that looks like pulling weeds and sometimes it’s planting new seeds. I see friendship less like a circle and more like a garden, where each part is nourishing the other. Where the collective is the highest value. Where we care for ourselves in service to caring for others.
Teaching yoga in senior living spaces, I am often the recipient of elder female wisdom. And their #1 lesson, what they say more than anything else is, “Have good girl friends” When I first heard this, I felt the words right in my heart. One elder said, “That husband of yours is going to die first, so you better make sure you have good friends around you or else you’ll be lonely.” And I am never lonely because I have planted the seeds and tended the garden of friendship…we have years to bloom together.
So if you’re seeking those fierce female friendships, how could you use the garden analogy? What are you planting and what need to be pulled? I’d love to know your thoughts on female friendships, please share below.