Lessons from my 92 year old granddad
My granddad, Jack, turned 92 in March and I recently had the pleasure of visiting him in Savannah, GA where he now lives. Originally from Baltimore, he is a "salt of the earth" guy. He taught me how to fish from the pier of his Ocean City home and how to pick crabs, an essential skill for any Marylander. He came to my soccer games in high school and lacrosse games in college. He loves to read and watch the O's and Caps. Most recently, during our weekend together he was kind enough to share wisdom with me through stories, laughs and just by being a living example. Here are a few of the lessons that stuck with me the most.
1. Be like a duck...Let it roll off your back.
Granddad Jack is a living guru in non-attachment (Aparigraha, the 5th Yama in the yogic tradition). If it's crappy weather, bad traffic or someone running late, he just doesn't let the small stuff bother him. Like water rolling off a duck's back, he doesn't hold onto the things that many of us stress out about. He shrugs his shoulders and moves on. He isn't deterred by "bad" things he just chooses to not let it bother him and then moves on. This is something I am (struggling with?) working on and gratefully have a lifetime to keep practicing. 92 years into life, Jack has this yogic principal down.
2. Tell people you love them...a lot
Even though we talk on the phone and he says, "I love you" there's something extra special about looking someone in the eyes when they say it. In the middle of a conversation, or walking up the stairs, while waiting for our table to be ready, he would chime in with, "It sure is good to see you kid" or "I really appreciate you coming down here pal." Other times he would say, "I love you so much and I think about you all the time. It just makes me smile to see ya kiddo." Without invitation or suggestion, he just shared love. He didn't wait for the "right time" to say kind words...because it's always the right time.
3. Spend time outside...without a purpose
I love nature and have felt its nourishment since I was a kid. But I often got into nature with a goal: hike so many miles, paddle for so many minutes, etc. Jack reminded me to simply be outside, without a purpose and without any special gear. We spent some solid time just looking at the trees in the backyard, being present to notice how the tall pines sway in the breeze. Jack shared how fascinated he was by bamboo and how it grows, the unique color and how strong it is. Simply noticing and appreciating what was right in front of us, knowing that we are not separate from nature we ARE nature. It felt good to just be co-existing with the trees and sky.
4. Rest...without asking for permission
I just love how old folks close their eyes and take cat naps. On the couch watching college basketball or in the rocking chair on the front porch. When he wanted to rest, he did so. This is something I struggle with. I feel guilty for taking a nap or not "doing more." When I'm not in GSD mode, I feel lazy, like rest is sometimes a luxury. But our elders know better. They know that rest is a requirement, that no one is going to give them the thumbs up to take that rest so might as well do as they please. And the rest seemed to refresh him. Because after closing his eyes he would usually come back with a good story or a memory.
5. Share stories...as medicine
Jack is a good storyteller so I enjoy asking him about a family member or memory. The stories were about his time teaching in Baltimore County, the changes during the civil rights movement, his grandparents who I never met. There were stories of my dad as a kid and Jack said he missed his wife (my grandma who passed in 2009) and how lucky he was to have her in his life. These stories were balms, little jewels that reminded me how connected we all are. Like looking back into time, to see what he was thinking or feeling, even decades ago. It's a reminder that our worries and joys are not new, although they are repackaged in the 21st century. At the root of these stories is connection, the interdependence of groups of people, the social nature of humans. This is medicine for our modern times.
Do you spend time with elders? What are some of the lessons you have learned from them?