The tools we use
How many tools do use in a day?
8? 38? 108?
I got to thinking about how many tools I interact with on an average day and decided to notice this with a more keen eye. By definition a tool is “a device or implement, especially one held in the hand, used to carry out a particular function.” Humans are certainly the animal most likely to use tools. Although other animals like monkeys or even elephants use tools, even though they might not always use their hands.
My phone, a knife, the car, the dog’s leash, a yoga mat, the Alexa that I hate but is really helpful for turning off the living room light from upstairs. A tooth brush, an essential oil diffuser, a heating pad, an air fyer. You get the idea. There are no shortages to the tools we use (and I don’t even have kids!) to make life easier and to carry out a particular function.
What I find especially interesting is that a tool’s need isn’t universal. That is to say, as the definition indicates, they are for a particular function.
I use a pen for writing, but that will not help me when I’m cooking.
I use a car as a tool to get somewhere that’s more than 3 miles away, but it won’t help me fold laundry.
I long stopped using a hair dryer or a straightener yet keep these tools in the back of the bathroom in case they magically become relevant again.
We use tools emotionally too, and perhaps these are the most interesting tools of all.
For 17 years, I was using booze as a tool to numb. And let me tell ya, it worked great! Literally the best tool for the function of numbing uncomfortable emotions and hiding from my true self. And then the tool became cumbersome, it worked but in a way that wrecked so much around me. I stopped drinking in 2019 and it changed everything. No lifestyle / health change has had such a big impact on me. I was happy to put this tool down, even though it was hard AF.
But without booze, I needed another tool, something else to numb. I had used this tool before and similar to booze, it wasn’t viewed as “bad” when done in the “right” way. This is the tool of busyness.
When we are busy we’re seen as productive. Which, in late stage capitalism is the prize. I can’t be bad if I’m busy. I’m just high functioning right? I’m just really good at doing a lot of stuff which is helpful so I don’t have to sit with discomfort. So the tool, which was numbing me, wasn’t seen as a problem. Only it was a problem, because the tool was blocking me from interacting with a deeper part of myself.
In this season of winter, the time to slow down, I see how much my busy tool kept the challenging feelings at bay. When I’m not busy I have to really notice and feel the sharp edges. When sitting with the emotions that aren’t deemed acceptable, such as anger, regret, sadness, frustration, etc, its time to new tools. These include but are not limited to:
Meditation
Silence
Nature
Journaling
Breath work
Talk Therapy >> EMDR
Art
Dance / somatic movement
Sound Healing
Cold plunges
Crying
Hugging / physical touch
Laughing, yelling, verbal expression (in a safe space)
Going inside to notice the emotions and seeing what tool might be appropriate to manage them, this is something new for me, maybe for you too.
In changing these tools I noticed why I wanted to numb: I was (am) scared to feel something so big. I was (am) scared to have my heart crack wide open. This happens not because I don’t think I’m capable, but because I know I am so capable that I am afraid of my power. To reclaim and step into that power is course a work in progress, the work of a lifetime perhaps. I’m here to find and use the tools for the work.
Are you?