The power of the reframe
"The only difference between a flower and a weed is judgement." -- Wayne Dyer
As always, I believe Mother Nature is our greatest teacher. During my walks, in Baltimore, the woods, or anywhere really, I keep my eyes and ears open for the lessons that I need to receive. Last week Mother Nature shared with me a reminder about the power of the reframe. She shared this with me while I was walking through Patterson Park, taking in the various plant life. I was keen on exploring two plants at seemingly opposite ends: the rose and the dandylion.
Upon seeing a rose, we might take a moment to marvel at its beauty. I find there to be something deeply feminine in the shape and feel of a rose and love seeing it through its various stages. From bud to bloom, the green before flowering to the bare branches in the dark of winter, the cycle of the rose has moments of beauty. What’s critical is that the initial judgement of beauty has been established. Dominate culture has made it clear that roses are valued, praised and sought after.
By contrast, the weed, a common dandylion could (and some would say, should) be yanked out of the ground at any time. It crowds our garden or lawn. We would step on it and not be upset, or even notice. I’s unsightly with no value because dominant culture says it's not lovely or worthy or interest.
Here’s the challenge, the opportunity for growth: What if we were to switch our narrative about the roses and dandelions? What if dandelions were harvested in masses and sold on Valentine’s Day for $25 / dozen only to be marked down to $10 / dozen a mere 3 days later.. What if we thought the rose to be just a thorny flower that attracts too many bees? How might we reframe these narratives, these limited beliefs to be more positive?
At any given moment we can adjust the narrative and put a different piece into focus. We can reframe.
The reframe is an excellent tool in my mental health tool box. Coming from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) reframing gives us power over our thoughts rather than allowing them to have power over us. Others tools I love include breathwork, movement, nature, music, laughter, community, nutrition and hydration, loving touch, etc. In the reframe we get to look again and explore another viewpoint. In the words of Wayne Dyer "when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change."
This reframe works with small examples like roses and weeds but what about with human behaviors and situations. Some examples of this might include:
"I'm bored, I wish there was something fun to do" >>>> "I am receiving the rest I need"
"I'm late getting to this place in my life" >>>> "I'm here at exactly the right time, I had other things to learn / experience before arriving here."
“I’ll be happy when I get that job / house / partner / experience / etc” >>>> “I am grateful for the blessings I have received thus far, more are coming.”
“My flight is delayed, this sucks” >>>> “While I’m at the airport, I have the opportunity to call friends I don’t normally get the chat with”
“My boss is such a jerk” >>>> “I’m using this situation to practice my conflict management skills”
For me, the key piece of the reframe is all about moving from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.
When we reframe, we are intentionally noticing and switching to a narrative that is more positive or grounded in the reality we’d like to manifest. The rose can be lovely (even with the thorns) AND there is joy and hope that radiates from the dandylion. I am removing the narrative of “this is a weed” as this has a negative connotation and replacing it with “wow, this plant sends out seeds with the wind, what a cool evolutionary process!” The “weed” after all has a destiny to travel and move. It evokes a sense of wanderlust, it is a great migrator which has it’s own fleeting beauty. This reframe allows the dandylion to be abundant, bright and just as valuable in nature as the rose.
We need both the rose and the dandylion, we need all the biodiversity to thrive. Our mindset and perspective construct our reality. And I like the reality where dandylions are special plants too.
"A weed is a flower growing in the wrong place." -- George Washington Carver
I’m starting a new series called, “The Friday Reframe”where I’ll post on social media a limiting belief or a situation that I’m working through and I’ll reframe it. If you’d like to help me with the reframe, I would be thrilled to have your input. I look forward to having you join me in this mind shift exercise. Big hugs!