Same team: working with (and not against) my body
It took a GI diagnosis and subsequent diet overhaul for me to take another look at my relationship with my body. Who is running the show here? Who is calling the shots about movement, nutrition, rest, water and other forms of nourishment? When is ego running her mouth and overriding the messages from the body?
My body has been whispering to me for years about making changes and lately she has been yelling, demanding to be heard. Headaches, bad period cramps and sore joints on top of bloating and stomach pain. These symptoms are not random and I’m now starting to connect the dots.
And yet, I felt annoyed at my body for speaking up. "Just do your damn job!" I thought. "Get shit done and perform at a high level." Ego was saying, "I don't have time to feel pain or be held back, why can't you be better?" This thinking was rooted in fear and lack, not abundance. When I catch myself in this thinking, I know it's a mirror and a great point to pause and reframe.
I sat with these feelings, these messages. I practiced deep listening and in my meditation an answer came to me. I changed my mindset from "why isn't my body doing what I want her to do" to "we're on the same team." I felt a subtle yet powerful energetic shift. I realized that it's not me vs her, it's she and I working together.
I played team sports growing up, mostly soccer and lacrosse. In college, being on the lacrosse team was my true joy. I could never be a swimmer or a tennis player, where it’s just me…I need a community, a crew, a tribe. I like to do something and work towards a goal with other humans. When I view my body as separate from myself, it feels like a cutting, a detachment that is tragic. Instead, shifting to an “us” mindset allows me the expansion and collaboration I am looking for.
What type of food feels best and what needs to be cut? How much and what type of movement do we need? Should we take a nap or drink more water? How about less screen time and more time in nature. Would cutting out certain relationships make me feel more nourished so then I don’t reach for food as comfort. These are the questions that came up when I viewed myself not as separate from my body trying to manage her, but as a team player working together.
I am an energetic being having a human experience, and my body is the space suit I will use to explore this planet for this lifetime. My goal is to feel as good as possible for as long as possible so I can see as much of the world as possible. Visit as many countries, climb as many mountains, swim in as many bodies of water and pet as many dogs as possible. I need my body for hugging and laughing, for joy riding golf cart rides and dancing at shows. I want to see as many sunrises, feel as many rain drops and read as many books as possible. Simply, my body is for living, not for looking.
If I am at war with my body for not being “enough” then I won’t have time (or energy) for those explorations. If I am just punishing my body to fit an aesthetic (typically a heteronormative, white-washed, patriarchy view of beauty) then I won’t be able to life fully. As I learn to navigate this path, naturally there will be errors, mistakes and missteps along the way. But to view myself as being a part of a team makes me feel more connected and supported. We’re in this together…for this full lifetime.
What's your relationship like with your body? Do you get angry with her when she doesn't perform how you want her to? Do you spend time listening to your body's needs and responding with compassion? I'd love to continue this conversation and look forward to your thoughts. Sending you and your body the biggest of hugs and the highest of vibes.