Reflections on (another) Dry January
On January 1, 2022 I texted a good buddy who is also “dry” and said, “4th year in a row starting new years without a hangover. Sure do loveeee that!” To which she replied, “Isn’t it the best?!?” Indeed it is!
Yet dominate culture suggests that drinking, in particular drinking to excess is not only okay, but actually encouraged. In our consumerist culture if 2 drinks are good then 4 are better…we should always be working towards MORE. I was in the high school in the late 1990’s and in college in the early 2000’s when many teen movie (that’s right, aimed at folks who couldn’t legally drink yet) featured excessive booze as a theme: “American Pie”, “ Roadtrip”, “10 Things I Hate about You”,
”Can’t Hardly Wait” just to name a few** I drank in college and for years afterwards in large part because everyone around me did too. We went out > got hammered > rest > repeat. It was “normal”…so what if I was sick the next day or didn’t remember hours of the night before.
After a particular low point in fall of 2018 I straight up did the math: If I am so hungover that I am incapacitated 1 day a month, like can’t get up off the couch, barely do anything sort of hungover, that means I am losing 12 days a year to something that doesn’t make me feel good. 12 days! That’s 2 weeks of vacation for the standard American worker (another blog post on what BS our American “vacation” allowance is.) What would I do with another 2 weeks of my life?! How many miles could I run, friends could I hug, hikes I could do, soups could I make, or literally anything else that brought joy to my life. Didn’t I want to feel good?
It finally clicked: I have to stop drinking. I had been considering slowing down on booze for nearly a year (or 8 years) before I was finally able to commit. I was ready for Dry January 2019. I knew I had to take it day by day with a deep desire to make it a full month. Honestly, that 1st month was hard. Like really freaking hard. I don’t know if I have prayed / meditated / cried so much in one month before. I was journaling a lot and that practice was essential in my commitment. It took about 2 weeks to start seeing the effects and then around 6 weeks I felt SOOOOO much better. Less bloating and gas. My skin was better. My energy was higher (I know, I know…I’m already very high energy so how could I get more energy?! haha) All the “firsts” were hard: the 1st wedding and concert in particular. I had to find something to do with my hands. I still wanted to hang out…I just didn’t want to be hammered doing it. The pros far outweighed any cons and I didn’t drink until the end of July when I had a beer after I finished the Montana Marathon (and yes, it tasted damn good!) I choose that beer with intention and I was happy about it. And then I was ready to not drink again.
I think in some weird way I wanted to be hungover because it meant I could rest. When you’re sick, you rest right? You’re able to lay on the couch and watch movies and take naps. But the hangover rest isn’t what I needed. I needed the rest that came after a SUP session when I was laying in my hammock reading a book. I needed the rest that was a long walk around the harbor while talking to a dear a friend. The rest I am now able to give myself is so much more nourishing than any “rest” during a hungover Sunday.
Do I think I was an alcoholic chemically dependent on booze to make it through every day? No, I don’t. Do I think I have / had a disordered relationship to alcohol? Yes, indeed. I would also says that a relationship to booze (like with food) could be view as healthy, unhealthy and many points along a spectrum. The way I was drinking was not healthy and it was bringing me down. When I got clear about my values and desires and did some deep shadow work, I was able to break out of the drinking cycle. I was able to let go the American cultural narrative about drinking and instead, write my own narrative.
I am not an addiction counselor or mental health professional. I don’t attend AA meetings or count days sober. I actually don’t describe myself as “sober” but often use “dry” as this is more accurate adjective. I’m sharing my journey here in the hopes that you will examine your relationship with booze and see if it is serving you. Not drinking (or doing so very minimally) is what works for me. Turns out I’m just as weird and funny when I’m not drinking. Now I just remember a whole lot more. And after a show, party or wedding when we’re at brunch or recapping the previous night and folks say, “ugh, I feel awful!” I smile and think how happy I am that I’m not drinking.
I can tell you one things with full conviction: Dry January changed my life. Now I can’t imagine drinking several nights in a row. I haven’t been hungover since December 2018 and that feels so good. When I gave up booze, I felt like I unlocked a hidden chamber, I found the secret weapon, I cultivated my super power! So cheers to another dry January! This is a journey, not a destination. If you’re on a sober / dry journey and would like to share you experiences, I would be happy to receive them.
**Yes all these movies propagate a white, male, heteronormative agenda and I can / will write many blog posts on that