This too shall pass
After the devastating 2024 election results in early November I was shocked and it felt like the world was crashing down. On this day the country stepped backwards when I was so hopeful that we would be moving forward.
I knew I had to leave the City and get some space. I taught a yoga + sound healing class at 9:00 am on Wednesday, November 6th and I walked into the studio in tears. As did several other students. Hugs were shared and it felt like all my strength was dedicated to not falling into a puddle. Leaving the safety of the studio, everything felt so loud…my escape needed to happen quickly.
I knew the medicine I needed: Nature. On Thursday, I was lucky enough (in the 11th hour) to join a yoga retreat that two friends were co-leading in the woods of Pennsylvania. I was packed within 30 mins, sound bowls and all. I drove 2.5 hours to the retreat center with the windows down, the cold air rushing in. The drive was lovely, the trees still holding some fall leaves with patches of blue sky flecked with white fluffy clouds. I blasted the music, occasionally yelling “what the fuck” at the top of my lungs. I was still crying.
I love yoga retreats for many reasons but a big part is to make new friends. This Gemini loves to show up solo without knowing another soul and leaving with a gaggle of new pals. This was not that trip. I participated, yes but I was really suffering internally and it stifled my ability to connect in a meaningful way. This was a deep emotional and physical pain that I hadn't experienced in years.
I did a solo hike where I literally hugged a tree and sat down at the base of her trunk to cry, my tears soaking into the sunny spot of earth. I cold plunged (also alone) through ugly tears, trying to breathe slowly when really I wanted to sink to the bottom of the pond for the next 4 years. I played my sound bowls in the sunshine (still solo) while listening to the chatter of the squirrels and the calls of the birds. Their indifference to my pain was a reminder that the world would keep spinning.
The time in nature revealed the lesson of Impermanence: That everything will change and nothing will stay the same forever. The leaves will drop from the trees but they won't be there for all of time. They will decompose on the ground, eventually providing the building blocks for new life. I'm viewing this current political situation through the Buddhist teaching of impermanence.
The "good" and "bad" are just labels we use to make sense of this plane of existence. And right now my label of the incoming administration is "this fucking sucks!" I have been crying at random and sometimes weird times (like BodyCombat class at the gym.) I haven't been on social media and as a small business owner, I worry that I will lose a foothold, miss out on potential clients, etc. Shouldn't I be posting something positive right now? The truth is, I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything these past 4 weeks, let alone get sucked into the discourse online.
I have been honoring the grief knowing that pain can act as a catalyst for change. I learned this lesson when I stopped drinking in January of 2019. I've been holding my sadness and anger in one hand, with my gratitude and hope in the other hand. I know that I won't feel this way forever, I know that everything is temporary and everything changes.
I am just now starting to come out of the fog, the pain finally dissipating. I've been focusing on my energetic practices, the medicine I need. It's nature and solo time in the trees. It's movement, music, reading and sharing with the community (yup that's youuuuu!) When I honor my own energy I can best show up for others. Giving myself this time to actually feel the feelings is something new for me. I haven't bypassed the feelings like I would have in the past.
So yes, this pain has been a catalyst. It reminds me of my power, that I am able to act in my sphere of influence in a way that is conducive to the growth and betterment of all beings. Through my thoughts, words and actions I can contribute to a peaceful world, as that is what is needed right now. Rather than pushing the pain out, I have allowed it to move, to flow and to change me in the process. I am constantly changing, as we all are, as the world is.
And it is from this place that I am sending you so much love and kindness.
"Thanks to impermanence, everything is possible" Thich Nhat Hanh