Detaching from the "boredom is bad" narrative
In college and throughout my 20's I used to have a fear of boredom. TBH, I have felt that way my whole life...a sport every season, joining a sorority in addition to intercollegiate lacrosse commitments. Volunteering for things when I already had a full plate. Was I a high functioning human who could do a lot and was praised for it? Or was I a dysregulated human afraid to actually be still and sit with myself? I cringe when remembering that I used to say, "I'd rather be busy than bored" as if "bored" was a bad word.
As I work to undo this narrative, I first had to explore where it came from and how I got here. The narrative went like this: If I wasn't doing something, then I wasn't being productive which meant that I wasn't valued. This is a tenet of Capitalism for sure and sadly one we are very much fed from the time of birth. Boredom = wasted space and time. So to avoid boredom meant to avoid the label of "lazy" which is really just a synonym of "bad." The essence of "bad" is someone or something that isn't desirable: this movie is bad, the food has gone bad, I got a bad haircut, this is a bad job / marriage / blog post. I want to be good, not bad. I wanted to be loved and valued. It's through this lense that I viewed myself as bad / lazy / less valuable if I was bored.
As I have gotten older, I have worked to shift that mindset. To see boredom and down time as necessary, as needed parts of the cycle. There is a reason for winter after all...that time of rest where not much is happening. This really made sense to me when I started to do yoga in 2011 and then became a yoga teacher in 2016. Savasana is the final resting posture, where you literally lay there and do nothing. I joke that this is the hardest posture for some students (me!) And yet it is sooooooo necessary! This posture is part of the practice just as much as Warrior 1 or crow pose...even though you won't find it on the cover of Yoga Journal and there aren't any workshops dedicated to it (that's another forthcoming blog post)
And yet, even at age 41, these old narratives come back from time to time. I was disappointed that I didn't do more on vacation. I didn't paddle, didn't play pickleball, didn't make a fancy dinner for my in-laws. But I played my sound bowls every day. I saw the sunrise 5 out of 7 mornings with my husband and dog. We rode bikes 2 (or 4!) times a day with the joy of 10-years old going to the snowball stand in the summer. I read 2 books and played dominoes. But by listing these activities I am stillllll trying to prove that while I didn't do some things, I still did these other things. The accomplishment of tasks, the doing, is still at the heart of being worthy (so the narrative goes)
So this is my opportunity for growth: to just be a human being, not a human doing. I literally say those words to my yoga students because I need to hear. I am still learning the lesson. Isn't staring at the ocean and marveling over the rising sun enough? This constant need to be doing more, to have a to-do list even on vacation feels suffocating. I need to detach from this narrative so I can be more aligned and balanced.
In doing less, I am actually doing more. I am regulating my nervous system which is still hella new for me. This nervous system regulation, by rejecting "busy" has been a critical part of my health and wellness journey since I gave up booze in 2019. I have developed a toolbox: journaling, movement, sound healing + live music, and nature. I sit silently, which continues to be a challenge
So for the rest of the summer, I challenge you to focus on the joy of just existing in this world. We're human beings, not human doings. We're not here to check things off a to do list > pay taxes > die without fully living. So where can you create some space for just being, for staring at the clouds rather than a screen. How can you get bored? How can you become so present that you don't tie your value to production? Spoiler alert: it's hard AF. And thus it is a necessary part of our human experience.
How do you feel when you're bored? Is this comfortable or challenging? Where to. you derive value from, in producing and consuming or just being aware? I'd love to hear how this lands for you.