A letter to myself: in the Ho’oponopono tradition

Dear Shawn,

I know you’re processing a lot right now. With your body, family and the earth. I wanted to honor this time by sharing Hoʻoponopono with you. This is a traditional Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It can be used for others, for Mother Earth and can be powerful for self healing.

The Ho’oponopono practice / prayer includes several elements

I'm sorry - Expressing remorse and taking responsibility for one's actions.

Please forgive me - Asking for forgiveness and acknowledging the harm that was caused.

Thank you - Expressing gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to reconcile and make amends.

I love you - Expressing love and understanding while committing to moving forward in a positive way.

So, here it goes sister:

I’m sorry -

For the pain you experienced at the hands of adults when you were a child. Some of it was from a place of anger, some of it from a place of apathy. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.

That you were asked to be an adult at a young age. You were made to carry things that were not yours to hold. They were heavy and they took a toll on my psyche.

For consuming so much booze from 2001 - 2019. It was too much, you told me that and I didn’t listen. I was focused on numbing a pain deeper than I had words to express and booze was a coping tool.

That you weren’t encouraged to express your creativity, that you were put into a box and had to fulfill a role that you didn’t really want.

Please forgive me -

Because I fully and completely disregarded how much you needed mental health support. More than medications, you needed holistic practices and I didn’t discover them until later.

For pumping you full of hormonal birth control for over 20 years. It felt right at the time and in some ways it was. But I know this really hurt you and disconnected you from your feminine power.

Because I put you in some really sketchy situations that caused you harm physically, mentally and emotionally.

For not nourishing you in all the ways you needed. I didn’t listen when when you said you needed rest. I put too much sugar into you. I deprived you from people and places that would be helped you heal sooner.

Thank you -

For carrying me on adventures to 4 continents. From Alaska to Patagonia, Belize to Bangkok. These adventures are a push out of the comfort zone and make you more resilient. Thank you for your sense of wonder and awe in the natural world.

For healing yourself so that you can heal others. For having the courage to sit with the pain, even though, and especially when it is sharp. The pain is a catalyst for change and in feeling the rough edges it allows us to observe the mind and grow.

For loving books, music, movement and nature and their fullest expressions. These healing modalities that are rich in story are so nourishing.

For speaking up…for yourself and those that cannot. Your voice is powerful and when you share it you encourage others to do the same.

I love you -

For your curiosity. There is barely a subject that you aren’t interested in or don’t want to explore just a little bit. You are a true Gemini and love to experience the world with deep love, laughter and joy. You ask awesome, thought-provoking questions.

For your ability to laugh and cry so easily. The emotions flow through you in a way that makes your vulnerability your strength. You feel deeply, that’s so cool.

Because you’re always down to try something new. From pickleball to jumping into cenotes in Mexico. You are open to new experiences which makes you so damn interesting.

For being an awesome hugger and listener. You share this with others and they feel your positive energy radiating out of your soul.

We’re in this together sister, for the long haul. We are creating a sense of community. I love you and I’m here with you. I’m grateful to the various iterations of the women you were in the past to get you here. I’m proud of the woman you are now. And deeply committed to you as you become the highest and truest version of yourself. I forgive your mistakes and I welcome the opportunity to shower you with love and abundance. You got this, I have your back…always have, always will.

Biggest of hugs and highest of vibes,

Shawn